Eliminate Conversation Agitation

Eliminate Conversation Agitation

Welcome back to the 26th issue of Disrupting Conversations! 

Have you ever caught yourself reacting before you even had time to think? 

Maybe you snapped at a colleague over a minor issue or felt your blood pressure rise at a seemingly innocent text from your kids. It's not just about having a bad day—it's about how our brains are wired.

Our wiring shapes our reactions, especially in high-pressure situations. But the good news is that—thanks to neuroplasticity, our brains’ ability to change—we can shift how we interpret and respond to information. We can create new neural pathways, moving away from automatic negative responses and toward more thoughtful interactions. 

Let’s talk about why this concept is crucial for improving our relationships, both personal and professional.

Plus, we’ll get the benefits of neuroplasticity rolling with a podcast episode on why and how to stop labeling information as “good” or “bad.”  

Breaking Sales is my podcast to connect with those who are ready to break free from the chains of old sales methodologies that don’t work.

Title of Episode: Stop Labeling Conversations as “Bad” 

🎙️Our innate instinct to label things as “bad” may have protected us 20,000 years ago, but it often works against us in today’s modern world. In this episode, Pam and I discuss why we label potential threats through the lens of evolutionary psychology—and why this runs counter to the demands of today’s conversations and experiences.

Avoid the “Oh Crap!” of Automatic Thinking  

Did you know that an estimated 90 percent of our thinking is habitual, routine, and often negative? That might seem shocking, but it's a reflection of how our brains are wired to function efficiently—sometimes to our detriment.

Picture this: 

You're at work, and a colleague sends you a terse email. Before you even finish reading, you feel your defenses rising. Your brain has already labeled this interaction as "bad," triggering a fight, flight, or freeze response. This time, it’s fight; you fire back a heated response. 

Hours later, you see their name pop up again in your inbox. How do you feel?

If you're like most people, you probably experience that spine-tingling "oh crap" moment. You might hesitate to open the email, already anticipating more conflict. This is your brain's habitual response pattern in action.

Here's where neuroplasticity comes in. Neuroplasticity is our brain's ability to form new neural connections throughout life. It's what allows us to learn, adapt, and change our behaviors— including our reactive patterns.

The core of the Lappin 180 approach is to help people harness neuroplasticity to avoid automatically labeling situations as "bad." By doing so, we can sidestep the fight, flight, or freeze response that hijacks our cognitive function and impairs our ability to listen and respond effectively.

Back to that terse email: Say it was eight sentences. How many did you remember and fixate on? Likely just one—the one that triggered your negative response. This selective focus reinforces our habitual negative thinking, creating a cycle that's hard to break.

Fortunately, we can train our brains to respond differently. By making a conscious effort to slow down and… 

1. Pause before reacting to potentially triggering situations

2. Consider alternative interpretations of events

3. Avoid labeling the email or interaction as “good” or “bad”

4. Respond more thoughtfully and less reactively

5. Improve our listening skills and cognitive function in stressful situations

Of course, change doesn't happen overnight. It takes consistent practice to rewire our habitual responses. But with persistence, we can create new pathways that lead to more productive, less stressful interactions.

Next time you feel that "oh crap" moment coming on—the one that makes you feel anxious, defensive, agitated, or frustrated—take a deep breath. Recognize it as an opportunity to take more control of the one thing you can control: your reaction. 

Your relationships will deepen and grow as a result. 

Thanks for reading!

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