Let Them Off The Hook 🪝

Let Them Off The Hook 

Welcome back to the 20th issue of Disrupting Conversations! 

In 2019, Harvard Business Review published an article stating that the number-one thing you can do to establish trust is demonstrate that you don’t need to benefit from the conversation. 

Whether you’re in a conversation with a family member (like your kids), a teammate, client, or prospect, there’s a specific psychology at play. That person is innately trying to figure out if and how your conversation will help or harm them. They want to know what your intentions are. 

How they filter the conversation is heavily influenced by their biases, so if you want an honest exchange, you’ll have to get good at communicating a benevolent purpose.  

This process is often referred to as an upfront agreement. It sets an objective tone for the interaction. It helps take the other person off the defensive, thus changing how they listen and engage during the conversation. 

I hope it helps you better navigate your next interaction! 

Breaking Sales is my podcast to connect with those who are ready to break free from the chains of old sales methodologies that don’t work.

🎙 On this episode of Breaking Sales, Pam and I discuss how you can level the playing field with your prospects and clients so that both parties can enter the conversation with more courage and curiosity, including what you can do to make a positive early trust impact. 

Listen in to our insightful conversation about how to Start Your Conversations with More Trust, and be sure to subscribe to hear more from the Breaking Sales podcast.

Think Different: Give The Other Person Control By Letting Them Off the Hook  

I was coaching a client who took a trip to meet several prospects. When she returned, we did our usual debrief. 

“How’d it go?” I asked. 

“Well, I went into it managing my expectations,” she said. “I worked hard on my mindset—no good or bad. And I worked on some questions that would serve them. I thought I did well, but no one asked for a second meeting.” 

“Okay, so what kind of questions did you ask?” I inquired. 

“I asked about their strengths and challenges regarding their strategies, and about how they view success.” 

My client's frustration showed through as she explained that she received cautious, surface-level answers—no entrypoint where she felt she could dive deeper. So each meeting ended with a perfunctory, “it was nice to meet you; we will definitely keep you in mind.” 

There are lots of reasons why it may be difficult to encourage another person to be more open and honest, but after studying sales conversations for the past 17 years, I’ve learned that, most commonly, prospects don’t understand or trust your intentions, your questions, or where you’re trying to take the conversation (their past experiences tell them that you’re moving things in a direction that serves you).

Case in point, I recently had a tough love conversation with one of my sons. I knew going in that he would be wary, but this was something I needed him to think about. So I started the conversation by letting my son off the hook. I gave him an early “out,” telling him up front that this was his decision, and that the intent of my questions wasn’t to persuade him but instead to help him find the path that was best for him. He could take it from there. 

In the example with my client, the same strategy would have helped. She could have removed the pressure of a certain outcome by stating early that, “There’s no pressure to decide on next steps today; relationships take time to build. If there’s a reason to continue exploring—great; if not, that can happen, and it’s okay.”    

It’s not uncommon for salespeople to say that giving the prospect an “out” at the beginning feels disingenuous. I often hear, “They know why I’m there: to sell my services.” Yes, and it’s that approach that causes prospects to become defensive and limit what they share. 

Bottom line? Your prospect is human. Give them a sense of control and safety with the “out” and see how it can change the dynamics of your conversation.   

High-Performance Challenge…

High-performance is about learning, debating, and experimenting. Why not give the “out” a try? The next time you have a conversation with someone, let them know you don’t expect or need anything and that your questions are aimed at helping them. Or just keep doing the same thing over and over again and wait for the stars to align.

Thanks for reading!

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