Are you relying on rapport to close sales?

The False Security of Rapport

Welcome back! I’m excited about this issue. It leans more toward “tough love” than some of my past, but what I’ve written about here is a lesson that will serve you well no matter where you are in your sales career.

We’ve got a podcast episode about benevolence (aka, not making outreach messages about you instead of the prospect), a deep dive into the danger of prioritizing rapport-building over challenging the prospect in an objective way, a quote, and a lighthearted meme about what happens when we focus too much on rapport and not enough on the client’s actual needs.

I hope you enjoy it. Thanks for joining me again, and please reach out by responding here any time you have questions or feedback.

–Dan

Breaking Sales is my podcast to connect with those who are ready to break free from the chains of old sales methodologies that don’t work.

🎙 Don’t Make Your Outreach About You

Benevolence is central to building trust, so why do so many professionals ruin their outreach by making it about themselves?

In this episode, Dan and Pam examine an email where the writer makes this crucial mistake and jeopardizes their potential for success, as well as other examples where outreach messaging misses the mark in putting the prospect’s interests first.

Think Different: The False Security of Rapport

My view on rapport has done a 180 - well, kind of. For many years I felt that it was a waste of time. A hiding spot for those who allowed their social insecurities to get the best of them.

Today, when used correctly, I know that it’s a powerful ingredient in the process of building trust. But, it’s not always a pleasant and comfortable experience when done appropriately.

When pursued with a purpose, rapport is a casual catalyst for change that drives understanding and acceptance. There - now you can skip the rest of the article. 😉

There seem to be two types of rapport. As with most things I write about, one builds trust and the other deteriorates it.

1. The first is derived from insecurity and uncertainty. The rapport is pursued to seek validation and acceptance, in hopes that if they like you they will buy from you.
   

2. The second comes from an understanding of how people build trust, and wanting to create a conversation that gets to the truth by fostering honesty and vulnerability.

The first style of rapport is driven by the need to be liked and the desire to advance a sale. The need to be liked is so strong that your pursuit focuses on creating an easy, harmonious, and agreeable conversation. Which creates a false sense of security.

For many the challenge is that there is no off button regarding this pursuit, so you…

• Avoid questions that might cause deeper thinking and the tension often associated.

• Hold off on challenging the other person’s assumption, perspective, or belief - even when you know it’s wrong and may not serve their best interest.

• Invest energy trying to solve something that the prospect may not be ready to solve.

All of which cause you frustration and angst because when the conversation is over, your learning was limited to the other person’s mood and biases. You’re left to answer, “Why didn’t I ask more questions?” Which is often answered by the self-deceiving, “It will be fine, wait til they hear about our…” This type of rapport keeps you safe. It limits the risk of making a mistake or looking silly.

👉 We are social creatures, so if not mindful we will seek the path of least resistance. We innately feel secure when things are smooth and accommodating, but when was the last time you made a change to do something different and it was a tranquil, melodious, and a comfortable experience?

The second type of rapport is a method of creating a conversational bond between one person and another. It’s a path for honesty without the weight of judgment. Here’s how it works…

Imagine meeting me for the first time. We sit down to discuss the current state of your business or career. As I ask you questions, each time you’re thinking

• Why is Dan asking me this?

• Where is he trying to lead me?

• I can’t be honest, that’s too much information.

🛑 You hesitate with your answers because you don’t know how I’m going to react and use the information. You are uncertain regarding my intent, so you hold back.

This is where rapport comes in—the good kind.

For decades psychologists and therapists have been using rapport to encourage their patients to share with honesty and vulnerability. It’s effective when the other person says, “that person gets me.”

Rapport can be established in many different ways…

• Body language and tone (85% of what we communicate)

• Not pursuing your agenda

• Using benevolence to focus on what’s best for the other person

• Discovering commonalities

• Creating a conversation where the other person feels in control and safe

• Asking questions with a genuine interest and curiosity

• Listening

There is a line between a productive level of rapport and too much. For example, does a doctor risk losing some of their authority if there is too much friendliness (rapport) between themselves and the patient? Does the leader minimize their ability to encourage accountability and change if there is too much familiarity and comfort between themselves and a team member?

🚨 From a sales perspective too much rapport becomes a hiding spot. Because we are social creatures it can create a false sense of security regarding how the conversation went. We tell ourselves, “They loved us,” “They liked our ideas,” “They’re open to a proposal.” At face value, those reflections can feel good, but are they truly accurate?

Rapport should never be used to shield yourself from conversational risks, “Should I hold off on this question? There’s a good vibe going here and I don’t want to risk making a mistake and upsetting them.”

Rapport should be established through your mindset of wanting to help. Its foundation comes from your intent to determine how and if your prospect needs help, and if they’re ready for change. And it authenticates your genuine conviction to understand and respect the other person’s point of view.

You can’t build true rapport if your #1 goal is to make the sale. The intents behind each are opposing.

👉 Building the right type of rapport is worth all the time.

Laughter Can Drive Performance—If You Let It

^^^ What happens when you prioritize rapport over helping the prospect objectively explore whether they’re ready to change what they’re doing, and who they’re doing it with.

They might like you, but that just means they’ll try not to hurt your feelings when they turn you down at the next call.

Thanks for reading!

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