Stop Creating Pressure; Start Providing Perspective

Welcome back to the 46th issue of Disrupting Conversations!

Ever notice how having to decide on something new and different feels like pressure? It could be something as simple as choosing a new restaurant. If it’s not your idea, you may experience resistance, annoyance, and maybe even anxiousness.   

I learned this lesson recently with one of my children. For months, we'd been telling him exactly what he needed to do—four specific things to get back on track. Multiple conversations, clear expectations, advice based on lessons my wife and I had learned the hard way. Yet nothing changed. The more we offered our wisdom, the more he resisted.

Then I flipped the script. Instead of telling him what to do, I asked him to think forward. "Let's pretend nothing changes. We're now in January of next year. Walk me through exactly what you'll be experiencing." Next, we explored the flip side: "Now let's pretend you handle these four things efficiently in the next 60 days. What changes about January?"

You could see his eye contact and body language change. Our questions were helping him gain a perspective that he wasn’t allowing himself to have until then. He was too focused on resisting versus exploring. We had to allow him to discover it himself. 

The same principle applies to every prospect conversation you'll ever have. Let’s talk about why that’s the case.

– Dan

Breaking Sales is my podcast to connect with those who are ready to break free from the chains of old sales methodologies that don’t work.

Title of Episode: Rethinking the Close: Why Winning Isn’t What You Think It Is (Part 1)

🎙️ Every closing technique you've been taught is training your prospects to resist you. While you're focused on "Always Be Closing," your prospects are running in the opposite direction. They’re thinking, "Avoid Being Closed." The harder you push, the further they pull away.

In Part 1 of this two-part series on mastering the art of closing without closing, Pam and I challenge everything you thought you knew about closing sales—namely, that you get what you put in. If you’ve ever struggled with a situation like the one I’ve described above, either personally or professionally, you need to listen in.

Stop Creating Pressure; Start Providing Perspective

When a prospect opens their door to you—even through a strong referral—they don't yet know how much time and effort they want to invest. They're testing the waters, trying to determine if they care about the services you provide. For them, listening and learning doesn’t take a lot of energy, but thinking, reflecting, and answering questions do. 

If your prospect isn’t willing to put the work into answering your questions, how and why would they be prepared to make a change to your services?

There’s a rhythm and pattern that 90% of sales conversations follow. Most sales professionals hear one or two pain points and immediately jump to solving with their competency. They present solutions, share case studies, explain methodologies. All logical. All well-intentioned. All pressure.

Here's the problem: Even if your competency is exactly the right answer, presenting it too early feels like pressure to your prospect. They haven't gained the perspective they need to truly consider change, so your solution—no matter how perfect—is met with resistance.

Picture this common scenario: Your prospect mentions they're frustrated with their current vendor's response times. Your mind immediately races to how your superior service model solves this exact problem. You lean in, ready to demonstrate your competency.

Stop.

What if, instead, you helped them think through the implications? "If the response time issue persists for the next 12 months, what kind of impact do you see that having on your team's productivity?" Then explore the future: "What would change about your daily operations if response times were improved?"

This isn't about withholding your expertise; it's about timing. When you slow down and help your prospect gain perspective on the true cost of inaction and what they might benefit from with change, something powerful happens: they start putting pressure on themselves to make a decision.

The irony is profound. The better you become at helping people gain perspective, the more pressure they apply to themselves. You stop being the person chasing them and trying to convince them, and become the person helping them think clearly about their situation.

This works because it honors a fundamental truth about human nature: we resist being told what to do, but we embrace insights we discover ourselves. When your prospect arrives at the conclusion that change is necessary—when they see it, feel it, and own it—your competency becomes relevant and welcomed rather than resisted.

The next time you're in a conversation where someone needs to make a change—whether it's your prospect, your teenager, or your colleague—resist the urge to lead with what you know. Instead, lead with questions that help them see what they need to see. Help them gain perspective on their current path and the alternative. Let them connect the dots.

You'll be amazed at how much more receptive they become to your expertise when they've first gained clarity on why they need it.

QUOTE

"The art of questioning is not to convince but to guide the other person to convince themselves."

— Socrates, Ancient Greek philosopher

Thanks for reading!

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