Turning Feedback Into Fuel

Feedback is fuel.

Welcome back to the 6th issue of Disrupting Conversations!

As an aspiring high-performer, I think you’ll really enjoy the topics that we cover in this issue. They separate the talkers from the doers.

We’ve got a podcast episode about how disappointment is a gateway to high-performance, and the ‘Think Different’ section focuses on the value of giving and receiving feedback. And, as always, there’s an inspiring quote and a fun meme to end with a laugh.

I hope you enjoy it. Thanks for joining me again, and please reach out by responding here any time you have questions or feedback.

–Dan

Breaking Sales is my podcast to connect with those who are ready to break free from the chains of old sales methodologies that don’t work.

🎙 Disappointment: The Gateway to High-Performance

Nobody likes to fail. But when you strip away the emotion, plenty can be learned and gained from disappointment.

In this episode, Dan explores the topic of disappointment, including why we avoid it, why our expectations and attachments often betray us, and why the most seasoned professionals are often the least equipped to deal with disappointment.

Think Different: Turning Feedback Into Fuel

After coaching sales professionals for 15 years, I can tell who’s going to be successful or not based on how they give and receive feedback.

Let’s be honest. Feedback is hard. I remember one of the best pieces of feedback I ever got—and I’ve received a lot—came when I was really struggling with the start of my business. I had no clients, no revenue, no clue.

I was talking to this one guy who I’d known, and he said:

“You know Dan, you’re a really likable guy. I think the challenge is that that’s what people look at you as: just a likable person. Not a person they can trust with the investment that you’re asking them to spend. You have to show them you’re more than likable.”  

I received that 15 years ago, and I still remember it to this day. But not because it hurt my feelings. I don’t look at it as being negative, or as I was being judged. Rather, that gentleman had the courage to give me the truth.

And that truth helped me rethink my role and responsibility to clients. Being liked feels good, but it doesn’t solve people’s problems.

The thing is, genuine feedback is a gift. It’s something that you can’t move forward effectively without. That’s a truth I build into my coaching practice, both from the perspective of giving feedback and in teaching my clients how to ask for it.

Giving Feedback

Feedback is one of the greatest responsibilities you have when you care about someone. Whether as a peer, coach, boss, mentor, parent, spouse, or friend. It’s your chance to help them identify blindspots, avoid tough lessons, or excel in certain situations.

I always think before a coaching session, “Is there some feedback that I need to give this person that’s going to be tough for them to receive, but offers significant value to them? Is there something that I owe them?”

I’m doing them a disservice if I do not give it. But to give good feedback, you have to put yourself in the other person’s shoes and imagine how they’ll receive what you share.

It’s so important to meet them where they are before you give the tough feedback. “Hey I know you’ve been working really hard at this and you’ve put the hours in. Let’s talk about how you feel it’s going.” Otherwise there’s the risk they’ll feel judged and dismiss your well intended advice.

I coached this guy a while back who was a total people-person. Really genuine. After listening in on a couple of his prospect conversations, I knew that next time we sat down for a session, I had to give him the gift of meaningful feedback.

His need to be liked and please was so strong, he spent his time and effort during conversations pursuing commonalities and trying to make things easy. He accepted everything the prospect was telling him at face value, and tried to solve the issues based only on what was shared at the surface.

There were few questions asked and no debate or positive tension created. He was working hard to get the meetings, but they weren’t going anywhere.

I thought to myself, “I have to share with him what I’m hearing; otherwise, he’s going to continue to struggle.” I didn’t want to hurt his feelings, and or have him discount the advice. I knew this was something that could make or break his career.

The next time we met, I was committed to giving the gift - of feedback. “If you want to be successful in this role, you have to learn that not every situation and not everybody is worth pleasing. Your job is not to please prospects and clients, your job is to have their back. Look out for them. In order to do that, you have to be willing to ask the tough questions, give them the difficult feedback, call them out, challenge them kindly.”

I asked him…

💭 Do you want to surround yourself with people that placate you and avoid the conflict and conversations that make you better?

💭 Or do you want to engage and invest with people who are committed to helping you be the best version of you that you can be?

And guess what?

In his third conversation, I started hearing questions. He used second-level questions, doubled-down, and positively challenged his prospects in a way that was constructive for them. He actually had great conversations and learned much more about the prospect’s challenges, perspective, and aspirations.

I was happy for him because I knew how hard it was for him to peel back his innate human tendency to be a people pleaser. He had to kick that internal misaligned voice to the curb.

Getting Feedback

I don’t know if I do better in giving feedback or taking it! But I’ve learned a few tips about being on the receiving end of things that might help you, too.

If you want feedback, I absolutely believe that you have to ask for it. You need to be proactive about letting the other person know that you’re okay with, you want, and you appreciate feedback.

Then, in order to actually use feedback to your benefit (instead of letting it “shake” you, as it so often does), you need to learn how to compartmentalize the emotional response to it and instead learn from it.

That feedback I got 15 years ago could have shaken me and knocked me down. It’s hard to hear such direct constructive criticism about our personality or reputation!

For me it wasn’t about whether he had my best interest at heart - I knew he was right. So I asked myself how I could learn from it, instead of feeling shame or disappointment about it.

That’s where self-awareness is key. We have to recognize our emotional reactions (which are normal, we’re human after all) but be able to put them aside. We have to ask ourselves “What do I learn from this?”

Can you calm that protective voice down and instead of using biases to defend yourself, use the moment to improve by debating the advice from a position of growth and curiosity? Embrace the lesson learned, so you’re ready to kill it next time.

Feedback is fuel for what you want to achieve, create, and experience more of.

Laughter Can Drive Performance—If You Let It

Thanks for reading!

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