What Do You Tolerate?

What Do You Tolerate?

Welcome back to the 28th issue of Disrupting Conversations!

You're in a sales meeting, prepared and ready to engage, but your prospect seems to be in a completely different world. Maybe they stroll in ten minutes after you were supposed to meet, without a notepad, tapping away at their phone. Perhaps they're physically present but mentally absent, responding to your thoughtful questions with barely a shrug and a surface-level answer.

From the chronically late prospect to the one who seems allergic to detailed responses, from the individual radiating negativity to the one who dismisses every idea with a quick "we've heard that before"—these challenging situations are par for the course in sales. 

If you’ve been reading my newsletter for a while, you may know that it’s up to you to decide what you tolerate. Today, we’re talking about how to do that effectively and respectfully. 

Setting clear boundaries around what you will and won't accept in a sales conversation isn't just okay—it's essential for your success and sanity. But doing it with kindness, empathy, and assertiveness is the key to building and maintaining relationships while ensuring you’re respected too.   

Breaking Sales is my podcast to connect with those who are ready to break free from the chains of old sales methodologies that don’t work.

Title of Episode: It’s Time to Create Positive Tension 

🎙️Consider the most valuable feedback you've ever received, or that question that really helped you solve a problem by thinking both objectively and differently. Was there some level of discomfort at first? Did you have to lower your guard a little bit so you could objectively receive and debate either the feedback or the question? And more importantly, how did the experience impact how you felt about the person giving the feedback or asking the question?

This experience is called positive tension. It's the art of asking questions and making observations that may be at first uncomfortable for the recipient, but provide invaluable information because it helps the other person to think differently about their situation, experience, and/or results. 

In this episode of Breaking Sales, Dan and Pam dive deep into why creating positive tension is crucial for transformative conversations. 

The Boundary-Setting Trifecta for Self-Respect: Balancing Assertiveness, Kindness, and Empathy

In life, I’ve found that when I respect my time, effort, and boundaries, the person I’m talking to reciprocates. I work hard not to place someone on a pedestal because I don’t want that lesser, non-authentic version of myself showing up. You know, the one who hesitates to ask good questions, and/or make difficult observations.This never feels good. 

In sales, we often encounter people and situations that test our patience and sense of self-respect. That prospect who has all the answers, is used to everyone kissing their ass, or feels that they have an advantage because they assume you want something from them. If you’re not careful, these interactions can strip away your confidence and even some self-worth.  But they're also opportunities to build confidence and conviction in yourself. A chance to bet on yourself when the going gets tough.   

Think about those times when you’re not engaged or interested in a conversation. You’re giving surface-level answers. If the other person lets you get away with it, it affects how you view them. But what if they assert themselves and kindly call out your lack of attention or participation out—don’t they become a little more credible? 

However, setting effective boundaries isn’t just about being direct—it's about balancing that assertiveness with kindness and empathy (understanding). We've all had off days. The person you're talking to might be dealing with something difficult that you know nothing about. Use language that communicates that. Here's how to deploy the trifecta in some common sales situations:

1. The Distracted Driver: When a prospect is checking their phone or checking out, try slowing down the conversation: "I sense there might be other pressing matters on your mind (kindness and empathy). Would it be better to talk another time when we can both fully engage (assertiveness)?"

2. The Surface-Level Responder: If you're getting minimal responses, dig deeper with empathy and kindness: "I'm here to learn about your business and understand what's working and what's not.” But don’t hesitate to be direct: “Is this a topic you're interested in exploring right now?”

3. The Dismissive Executive: Let them know what you need (assertive) to serve them best (kindness and empathy). I once met with a chief growth officer whose first question was, "How is your content different?" Instead of launching into a pitch, I responded: "If you don't mind, I'd like to learn a bit more about your business first. Then I can share what content of ours might be relevant." 

By respecting your own boundaries, you're not just helping yourself; you're helping the prospect by creating space for more honest, productive conversations—when the time is right.

Finally, if you want others to respect your boundaries, you have to learn to respect them first. It never works the other way around.

Thanks for reading!

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