Why Looking for Pain Points Backfires

Welcome back to the 34th issue of Disrupting Conversations!

Have you ever noticed how quickly you shut down when someone starts searching for your weaknesses?

Maybe it's a personal trainer asking about your fitness struggles, or a financial advisor digging into your spending habits. Perhaps it’s even a dentist asking how often you floss when they find a new cavity. Even if they have good intentions, something in us instinctively resists.

But sales professionals haven’t yet caught on to this difficult truth.

For decades, we have been taught to hunt for pain points—to find what's broken so we can position ourselves as the solution.

This approach often achieves exactly the opposite of what we intend.

Let's talk about why this happens and how to take a radically different approach that actually builds trust instead of resistance.

Breaking Sales is my podcast to connect with those who are ready to break free from the chains of old sales methodologies that don’t work.

Title of Episode: If You’re Selling, You’re Not Differentiating

🎙️ Every sales leader preaches differentiation. But what if the traditional approach to standing out is actually making you sound more like everyone else?

For instance, when was the last time you heard a competitor tell a prospect "our resources aren't that good" or "our product isn't the best"?

Of course not. Everyone claims to have the best people, the most offices, the strongest solutions.

In this episode, Kristie and I challenge conventional wisdom about differentiation. We explore why true differentiation has nothing to do with features, benefits, or company statistics—and everything to do with how you show up mentally in conversations. You'll learn why the ability to ask questions others are afraid to ask matters more than any product feature you can promote.

Why Looking for Pain Points Backfires

Both questions aim to understand the company strategy, but the second approach acknowledges the achievement first. 

Think about the last time someone tried to "help" by pointing out your problems, whether it was a sales professional or your mother-in-law.

How did that feel?

The traditional sales approach tells us to probe for pain points—to uncover what's broken so we can position our solution. It seems logical on the surface. After all, if we can identify what's wrong, we can show how we can fix it.

But here's what actually happens: The moment decision-makers sense someone trying to find their pain points, they put up walls.

Why?

Because none of us enjoy having our weaknesses exposed. We instinctively protect ourselves from those who seem eager to point out our problems.

This creates an immediate barrier to genuine conversation. Instead of building trust, we trigger defense mechanisms. Instead of opening doors to meaningful dialogue, we cause people to shut down.

But there's an even more fundamental issue at play here. Before we can explore how we might help someone, we need to determine if they're even open to contemplating our help.

👉This requires a complete shift in mindset. Instead of entering conversations looking for problems to solve, we must first understand if someone is ready to engage in a discussion about doing things differently. Without this foundation, even the most brilliant solution will fall on deaf ears.

🔓Why? It’s human nature to overestimate the value of what we do and who we do it with, and underestimate what we could gain by doing something different.

The key is to approach each interaction with genuine curiosity about where the other person is in their journey.

1. Are they satisfied with what, how, and why they do what they do?

2. Are they curious and brave enough to question their current approaches?

3. Are they open to hearing and debating new perspectives?

If you’ve followed us for any length of time, you know our research shows that only two out of ten prospects have mentally made their way through the three stages. And if you’ve been in sales for any length of time, you know that you jump to solve at any sign of “pain” that the prospect communicates. You also know that you don’t win as often as you should.

The highest performers spend time asking questions to gauge their prospects’ current perspectives and proclivity to listen. They invest in learning to collect as many pieces of the puzzle before solving. They show poise and patience in seeking to understand the prospects’ current state and influences, so that when they do share a solution, the prospect is ready to listen.

The next time you're tempted to look for pain points, pause and ask yourself a few questions:

1. Is my effort to advance my agenda or theirs?

2. Does this person have the willingness and ability to think objectively?

3. Is this person even ready to consider a different perspective?

Finding the answers to these questions will transform how you approach the conversation—and likely, the outcome as well.

Thanks for reading!

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