Why Your Urgency Is Killing Your Sales

Welcome back to the 44th issue of Disrupting Conversations!

Every now and then we get a surprise. This last one came from a survey we did amongst top sales performers. We asked them to share the top skills and or behaviors they use to compete at such a consistently high level. I didn’t expect one of their answers: 

The shift from urgency to patience. Let me explain…

Can you sense when someone is feeling a sense of urgency? When your kids approach you with urgency, what do you do? When someone is trying to get you to do or say something urgently, how do you respond?  

For most of us, when we feel someone else's urgency we become cautious and uncertain. I see this pattern play out repeatedly within the sales arena. The salesperson’s drive to close or win the deal becomes an overbearing intent that the prospect feels. 

So, instead of the prospect feeling the calm and safety of debating a fair decision, they feel the pressure to do something that they may not be ready to do. None of us think objectively when we feel pressure from someone else. 

Your need to drive an outcome forward actually creates the barriers that prevent the outcome you want. 

This week, I want to explore how we should be shepherding conversations that help prospects decide if they need to make a change, rather than imposing our own timeline and intent on the process.

– Dan

Breaking Sales is my podcast to connect with those who are ready to break free from the chains of old sales methodologies that don’t work.

Title of Episode: How to Break Inherited Patterns: The Psychology Behind Sales Performance

🎙️What hidden patterns from your past might be limiting your sales performance? In this episode, Kristie and I explore how our past experiences can sabotage our sales conversations today. If you need to address the sense of urgency you feel in the sales process—or any other longstanding behaviors that are holding you back, this one is a must-listen.

Why Your Urgency Is Killing Your Sales

Top sales performers use patience to facilitate meaningful and constructive conversations.

Think about the last time you felt pressured by a salesperson. How did you respond? 

If you're like most people, you became cautious. Skeptical. Perhaps even annoyed. Your defenses rose, your listening changed from curiosity to eager to disqualify, and the effort you were willing to invest into the conversation dissipated. You started looking for the exit—whether literal or figurative.

The catalyst for all those negative feelings? The salesperson's urgency.

It's a counterintuitive truth: the sales professional shows up hoping to convince you to make a purchase or change, but their own urgency to make that happen creates a negative experience that makes you less likely to consider the change at all.

Shepherding vs. Shoving

The truth is, in a conversation between a sales professional and a prospect, the only valuable urgency is the urgency the client feels about their own situation.

Instead of falling prey to your own desire to qualify a deal or make a sale, your role is to shepherd conversations that help prospects decide if there needs to be urgency around making a change.

This shift in focus changes everything:

From: "I need to close this deal by the end of the quarter."

To: "Does this situation require immediate attention from the prospect's perspective?"

From: "How can I use price to artificially push this forward?"

To: "How can I help the prospect recognize the true cost of a delay if one exists?"

From: "What can I say to make them buy now?"

To: "What questions will help them determine their own timeline?"

When you remove your urgency from the equation, something remarkable happens: the conversation becomes objective. The prospect no longer feels the need to defend against your agenda, and instead can focus on their actual needs and considerations.

This doesn't mean you can't have goals or deadlines. It simply means recognizing that your urgency is irrelevant to the prospect's decision-making process—and when it’s displayed, it often undermines it.

The Power of Detachment

This principle connects directly to what I've long taught about the power of detachment in sales. When you're attached to making a sale by a certain time or in a certain way, you create pressure that the prospect can feel—and they'll naturally push back against it.

But when you detach from your desired outcome and focus instead on helping the prospect determine what's right for them—including their own timeline—you create the space for genuine consideration and trust to develop.

Remember: Your urgency doesn't matter. It's the prospect's urgency that will drive their decision. And the only way to help them discover their own sense of urgency is to let go of yours first.

Thanks for reading!

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