Part 2: What to Do Instead of Giving Advice

Welcome back to the 11th issue of Disrupting Conversations!

Summer is in full swing. Time flies by, and I’m honored you’ve chosen to spend some of yours here.

Last newsletter, I shared a dad story of trying to give advice to my oldest son, and told you how my well-intended approach fell on deaf ears. This time, I want to pick up where we left off:

Let’s explore how you can stop feeling the empty struggle of giving advice, and help the other person take ownership of change instead. 

🎙 Our podcast episode is a special “Snippet” feature on the myth of work-life balance, and how to create more harmony in your own journey.

I always add some humor to lighten the high-performance experience, and a quote to help you think about the different topics I share and discuss.

I hope you enjoy it, and please reach out by responding here any time you have questions or feedback.

–Dan

Breaking Sales is my podcast to connect with those who are ready to break free from the chains of old sales methodologies that don’t work.

🎙 SNIPPET: Accomplish More by Being Thoughtful

Professionals struggle with creating work-life balance. How do we find it, and is it even possible? In this snippet episode, one of the individuals I admire the most, Pam, shares her own experience trying to create harmony between her personal and professional lives, as well as the tactics she uses to stay in the moment and make focused, quality time.

Listen to this snippet, and if you enjoy it, scroll back to episode 62, The Myth of Work-Life Balance, to hear the full conversation.

Tune in now to hear the full conversation.

Think Different (Part 2): What to Do Instead of Giving Advice

If you read the last issue of Disrupting Conversations, you know that I had a conversation with my oldest son recently that highlighted the importance of not giving advice unless someone is ready for it.

He had come home from college without a full-time job—and with his savings account draining fast, he was in for a rough year ahead.

He didn’t seem to feel the same urgency I thought he should, and I wanted to help him see what I did: That he needed another job, ASAP.

But he wasn’t interested in me telling him what to do. In fact, the harder I tried, the more he resisted.

So I stopped trying to get him to act based on my own experience and perspective. Instead, I started asking him questions and getting curious about what he saw.

"How much are you earning for the 20 hours you're getting at the first job?"

He told me.

Then I said, "How many more weeks of summer are left that you can work?"

He got out his phone calendar and looked, and gave me the math.

I said, "At 20 hours a week, at that rate, with that many weeks left in the summer, how much are you going to earn?"

His face changed. It finally clicked.

I said, "Okay, so what are you gonna do?"

He looked at me: "I have to go find another job."

The point is, no matter how “right” I was, or how much I wanted to help him take the steps he needed to take, my son wasn’t going to listen to my advice until he was ready for it.

👉🏼 If we really want to help the people we care about—or a prospect who needs to make a change to succeed—we HAVE to take a step back, detach, stop telling them what to do, and start asking questions instead.

When I tried to convince my son that he needed to get out there and look for another job, he pulled back more. The resistance was palpable.

But when I started asking questions, and helped him see what I saw, the tension shifted:

Things shifted from resisting change and guidance, to the tension of ownership, clarity, accountability.

👉🏼 We don’t give advice because we want to control someone. Giving advice is high intent and benevolent; we do it because we want to help them. The challenge is, it's our advice, our words, our thoughts.

And our experience only helps if they can understand it through their own eyes. So, to help someone make meaningful change, we have to help them get clarity on what lies ahead.

We have to ask questions about what they’re currently doing, what’s working and not working, what will happen if they do or don’t do the thing we’re suggesting, etc. Only once they think through that future narrative and have a personal understanding of the options ahead, can they see with objectivity and clarity.

👉🏼 And then, maybe they’ll be ready to take ownership of the changes, but we can’t want it more than they do.

Laughter Can Drive Performance—If You Let It

Thanks for reading!

Want to know more about the work I’m doing? Follow me on LinkedIn.

Was this newsletter shared with you? Subscribe here.

Learn more about Lappin180.